Girls and Horses

 

Jesus was born in a stable. Not a mall. Don’t let the fact that there were no malls back then keep you from seeing one important truth: you need to get your daughter to a stable and out of the mall, especially as she approaches adolescence.

Just as in Jesus’ day, stables are out of the main action. If you’ve ever been in one at night, you’ll realize they are places of peace and refuge. Maybe that’s why you find so many girls there.

“Girls who ride horses don’t get into trouble,” said one father as he watched his daughter riding a lesson horse on a beautiful spring afternoon. “That’s why we’re here. I even had a judge tell me that. She’s never seen a girl who rode get into trouble.”

If you go to a horse gathering and talk to the parents, you’ll hear most voice the same opinion. Why else would they spend the money, go out in all kinds of weather and be at the barn at painfully early hours of the morning?

Girls who ride horses don’t get into trouble in part because they lack the opportunity. There’s lots of work to be done at a barn. Work that gets you seriously dirty and makes your muscles sore. And girls with a passion for horses don’t usually have the time to have a passion for much else.

I was recently advised to read Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wisemen, which tells about the scary world of pre-teen and teenage girls and their social hierarchy. This book shows a more terrifying world than anything Stephen King ever invented. Even girls from good Christian families can be sucked into the cruel behavior of cliques. In most cases, their parents don’t have a clue and the perpetrators see themselves as innocent. Throughout the book the author advised parents to “get your daughter into soccer or horseback riding” as a healthy alternative to middle school drama and angst.

It’s an escape into something more real and more fulfilling. It’s an escape from man’s world into God’s beautiful, natural world. 

My 11-year-old daughter showed me a T-shirt that said, “There’s something about the outside of a horse that’s good for the inside of a girl.” (With respects to Churchill, from whose words this was adapted.) And then there was another, “Horses are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” (A variation on something Benjamin Franklin said.)

There is a connection between girls and horses that cannot be put into words. Each horse has his/her own personality and moods. They cannot speak, so your child will have to figure them out. Their speed and power is addictive. A girl may not be able to spread her wings and fly, but she can get pretty close on a horse sailing over a jump.

Pardon me for quoting my daughter, but she is my handiest subject. She says, “Riding is my outlet from stress. Pam Brown said, ‘When we ride a horse, we borrow freedom.’  Sometimes that’s your freedom from stress at school with cliques and mean girls. You may fall off your horse, but they won’t insult you. Horses can make these really mean faces at you – but those make me laugh.

“If you feel tired, you get a fresh spirit,” she says. “It’s fun, you can meet a lot of nice girls and you can have something to love and take care of. With a horse, you have somebody who loves you back no matter what; that is, unless you have a really grumpy one.”

Many parents shy away from horseback riding because of the cost. Horses are big, they eat a lot and they require a lot of room. You can spend a lot – or not.

Where I live you can enroll your daughter in weekly riding lessons for around $100 a month. If she gets more serious, you can lease a horse. Many summer camps have horses that they only use in the summer. The camps are looking for people to lease them during the rest of the year. A lease on a camp horse means that you pay for what it eats and other care, such as hoof trimming and worming, and you have exclusive use of the horse until it goes back to camp. Camp horses are great for beginners because they have seen and done it all. Leases on fancier horses can involve payments to the owner. If you choose pasture board over stall board, you will pay less.

We moved to the country so that we could keep horses on our small acreage and tend to them ourselves. My daughter’s first pony, a one-eyed ancient gentleman, cost $13.00 per month to feed. That’s less than our cats! Bigger horses eat more, so those days are sadly gone.

If money isn’t a concern, you’re fortunate. However, be sure you don’t buy your way out of some of your daughter’s most meaningful experiences. Children who ride “push-button” trained horses miss out on learning how to deal with difficult situations and sometimes contrary equine personalities. If it takes little effort to ride the horse, your daughter may look like a good rider but lack real skill.

And if she competes in horse shows, you’re teaching her that money can be a substitute for hard work and accomplishment. Unfortunately, this lesson would be correct in the horse show world. However, the alternative builds character and better equips girls for life.

And even more important than finding a horse is finding the right instructor. Your daughter will look up to this person, so choose someone with Christian values.

Stables provide a fun and safe place for girls going through the changes of adolescence. My daughter says, “You can’t be in control in your life, but you can be in control of this one thing. You can’t control what other people think or do, but you can somewhat control what this horse is doing.”

As Pam Brown says, riding teaches girls that they can turn “I wish” into “I can.” That’s a great lesson for life, as is the Mexican proverb: “It’s not enough for you to know how to ride; you must also know how to fall.”

Being a part of the natural world and working with horses can bring your daughter one step closer to being the person God created her to be. I’m pretty sure that won’t happen at the mall.

Comments

[COD]

I remember looking around at the first 4H horse show we attended and thinking to myself...the smart 13 year old boy would take up horseback riding. He'd have 100+ teenage girls to himself,and no competition! If I had only known back then... :)

[book lover]

You are so right! I told my husband that if something happened to me, he should take up riding. He'll find the odds greatly in his favor there.

[Magdalena]

Oh yes, by all means choose an instructor with Christian values. After all, you wouldn't want the world to stop spinning if you hired a Jewish instructor. Just make sure that the instructor isn't as Christian as those all of those child-molesting Catholic priests!

[Anne]

Magdalena, calm down. There's a difference between bigotry and trying to develop your child's character while instilling beliefs that you hold to be true and important. I believe that the unique relationship between girls and their riding teachers means that parents need to be comfortable not only with the teacher's knowledge of horses and horsemanship, but that the teacher also demonstrate good moral character. The teacher may end up having more influence than the parents for a while. Lily's current teacher has had to work on teaching Lily to lose gracefully. That's a good life lesson. The truth is that some instructors and parents are so into winning that they will cheat. I don't want my child to have any part of this.

I don't know what you hope for your child's riding instructor, but surely good character is on your list. That also plays into how the teacher treats your child. My first choice would be a teacher with Christian values, and I am entitled to that opinion. The more Christians she is around who are fun and care about her, the better. But frankly, I don't even know if her current teacher is Christian. I know that she is a person of good character who is not anti-Christian, and that is sufficient. She could be Jewish or Muslim for all I know. Or an atheist. Still, her values are in line with mine, so I am comfortable placing my child in her care. I've posted more on this subject at http://lifepundit.typepad.com/smellshorsey/2007/08/riding-teachers.html.

Thanks for your comment.