Horse Pr0n (This is a Joke!)

Internets, have you ever wandered over to some "horses for sale" site and not been able to stop looking at the horses? You just keep clicking and the pictures keep coming up and you keep drooling and you keep clicking and pretty soon you're embarrassed that your family might find out that there's no supper tonight because you've been looking at horse pr0n? Or maybe it's way past bedtime and you're still clicking and the pictures are still coming and you don't need a horse but look at that one, he looks like the finest thing you've ever seen....

And the next day you call the trainer and you talk with her and you think, "This is kind of nuts. That horse is still racing and you can't go try him out before you buy because the tickets to fly up there and back will be more than the horse...." But then the other part of you thinks, "But anybody that beautiful who looks so much like (INSERT NAME OF WHATEVER HORSE YOU MEASURE ALL OTHER HORSES BY) just has to be awesome." And so you get them to e-mail you some more photos and you mention to your husband that you are thinking of buying a horse that's still racing but awfully slow. And your husband rolls his eyes and puts more insurance on you and you keep scheming.... (This is when you are legitimately looking for another horse -- we have a husband-imposed horse quota here and we are at it.)

You find out what it would take to ship the horse to you. You call the shippers and you get the prices and you find out about the layover barn in Kentucky and this is getting really, really serious....

And the price on this gorgeous young man is really good and he's a good fellow, you're assured, everybody's favorite, just way too slow though no horse ever tried to run harder, and the trainer's kid rides him bareback around the barn even though the trainer's kid has no arms and doesn't know how to ride AND IF YOU DON'T BUY HIM HE'S GOING TO A SALE BARN AND LIFE WILL BE OVER FOR HIM and he looks just like the horse you measure all horses by so he must be awesome and your heart yearns and yearns and your wallet is running the other way and your vet tells you you are crazy.

And the trainer tells you that just last week a group of ladies from Colorado picked out a whole shipment of slow horses off of the website and hired a tractor trailer to pick them up. When they receive the shipment, that's when the ladies will decide which horse is whose.

(To be a fly on the wall! This could not end happily, could it?)

And then you find out there's a slow unraced horse an hour away from where you live that you can actually see, touch and ride.

You let the swashbuckling pirate dark handsome still racing horse go with all the grief of giving up a dream lover, and tell the trainer that somehow this feels a little bit risky.... And you never see or hear a thing about the horse that looked exactly like the horse by which you compare all other horses even though you search by the name all over the Internet and he is gone and it is your fault wherever he is he is gone for good and you missed him.... And you always wonder and somehow feel responsible.

And then, even though you have no reason to look at horses because you have two perfectly wonderful ones sitting out in the yard, eating, yes eating always eating, you still wander back and look at the horse p0rn (and hope that you don't attract perverts to your blog by the use of this word, but that's about what it is....)

Here's where I go when nobody's watching:

Canter Michigan (horses for sale by trainers)

Canter Ohio (Canter owned horses)

Canter Illinois (horses for sale by trainers)

Canter home page

This is a good organization, so feel free to donate while you're there. (I am in no way affiliated other than as a horse ogler and almost purchaser.)

Comments

[Julie]

I surf for horse prOn all the time! I love Dreamhorse....I found a gorgeous Andalusian/Percheron cross named "Dolly" I want to take home. I also look for Holsteiners under $10,000....and so on and so on. It is fun to day dream.

[Julie]

I surf for horse prOn all the time! I love Dreamhorse....I found a gorgeous Andalusian/Percheron cross named "Dolly" I want to take home. I also look for Holsteiners under $10,000....and so on and so on. It is fun to day dream.

[Julie]

I surf for horse prOn all the time! I love Dreamhorse....I found a gorgeous Andalusian/Percheron cross named "Dolly" I want to take home. I also look for Holsteiners under $10,000....and so on and so on. It is fun to day dream.

[Julie]

If I go back, my post re-posts---How weird! In case you didn't read it the first time...there are two extra!

[Anne]

Julie,
Multiple posts are always welcome. Makes it look like we've got a spirited conversation going on.

It happens to a lot of people. Don't know why. I can clean it up but I like the rhythm of multiple posts....

Will have to try Dreamhorse. Sounds dangerous!

[Kimberly]

Hi Anne, I love this post. The way the sentences are long and breathless ... the way looking at horse PrOn gets to ya!

My site of choice is draftsforsale.com. I have pined over many a Percheron and those spotted gypsy horses. I am over the husband-set horse quota here, so there's no way I'll be having any new horses shipped to my house, unless, I suppose, I want to go live in the barn with them too.

Pax. Kimberly

[Anne]

Kimberly,

Thanks for your kind comment. I really enjoyed writing this one. (I guess confession is good for the soul!)

I'll have to check out draftsforsale.com. Thanks for the tip!

[Kathy C]

Oh my gosh, I didn't think anyone was watching me! This is why there is NO new art in the last week in my house. Darn it Dreamhorse gets me every time. Now I have new sites!! Yipee!

[risingrainbow]

I don't dare visit any of those sites, if I do, my husband will kill me. Besides if I buy anymore, I have to quite breeding. That would really kill me. So for now you guys can ogle the horse pron just let me know if you find something "good!"

[Jen]

oooo, horse window shopping :drools: I'm getting ready to move across the country, but I'll be shopping for real when I get there! I'm going to miss my lease, Max, though. :(