Losing Confidence -- and Getting it Back

For most riders (except possibly for Sue at Flying Changes), falling off repeatedly can make you lose confidence. So can almost falling off, thinking about falling off, seeing somebody fall off, remembering how you fell off, and wondering when you are next going to fall off.

I remember one year when I was eventing my really fabulous best-ever horse (never written about him but it's coming) I knew three people who broke their backs riding. None were paralyzed, though one had a terrible time recovering and another had to quit riding. And I remember watching a girl from our barn who was a great rider on a fantastic horse tumble into the ditch obstacle on a cross-country course (they were both fine) and feeling a fear so great that it wouldn't have been greater if she had been my daughter. As soon as she proved to be fine, I immediately began to worry about me.

So I know fear. And I know losing confidence. And when I see it creeping up on my girl, it breaks my heart.

Not sure where it came from. My brave girl who rode her pony and Buddy like motorcycles, racing around and enjoying every stride. Who was always wanting the jumps put higher in lessons and Pony Club. Who really is getting better every week. Suddenly, she's not so sure she can do what she's been doing. What she could do a year ago. Or longer....

We have a long talk. She's hurting -- so I hurt with her. And Paul and I scheme on how to get her confidence back.

An e-mail and divine intervention later, and we have our answer: Jane

Jane (not her real name) is one of Lily's former teachers. The "kick-the-snot-out-of-the-pony" teacher. She's recovering from surgery (back trouble related to riding -- hate to even think about that) and she's well enough to come. I'm surprised she can come, because she's been working too much on her other job to teach for the last couple of years.

Jane is also the Camp Counselor at Hell Camp, the place where bad horses get to go for 30 days if they need "a reckoning." Lucy got to go there once, and when she came back, she had a lovely new attitude. (Too bad Jane doesn't run a diet camp for middle-aged moms.)

So Jane shows up. And the magic begins. Some adjustments to the bridle (addition of curb chain which we'll call "hay twine" because I don't own a curb chain) and a very boisterous lesson that starts with lots of extreme transitions. Not always pretty but this isn't about pretty. This is about Building Confidence.

And part of the charm is -- Jane makes Lily LAUGH! Even doing the scary stuff.

Buddy is not happy, but Buddy is not being abused. Jane and Lily have Buddy's attention. Buddy would rather drag around and do nothing -- or go "Yahoo" after the jumps. He's not allowed to do either. The lesson is fast, the jumps get high. The jumps get higher. The laughter continues. Buddy doesn't have a chance to do anything silly because there are still a lot of transitions, mostly  ending with a halt.

Wild, crazy, fun and safe things are done. Nobody falls off. Not even close. Confidence restored.

And then we had to go measure the jumps.

Thank you, God!

Comments

[risingrainbow]

I'm glad that it worked out that easily. Fear can be tough.

Every now and then it shows up with Rachel and I never have a clue where it came from. Just out of the blue. It usually is based in her own lack of confidence. Once we get that fixed we're good to go again.

[beckz]

Confidence can be such a fragile ting in this sport. Having around 10 broken bones from horses I can relate to the feeling of lost confidence. When I start to feel afraid I ssay to myself " What would I do if I wasn't afraid" and that is generally enough to kickstart myself into action. I'm glad that Jane could help

[Sue]

Hey! Thanks for the name check. Happily [cut to me, furiously knocking wood] I haven't been in any truly scary situations— I'm simply not good enough yet. Had an interesting lesson last night, after which I could see how easy it is to get shaken up... working on that post now...
Delighted that Lily got her mojo back— a real lesson in asking for help and how we can't get through such crises alone

[Wayne Jones]

I've been told your not a real rider until you've hit the deck over 100 times i've only got 75 to-go, no i think the problem about Losing Confidence is the simple fact age ! I'm 39 years old & when i hit the deck from my 18 hand (Cleveland Bay), such a long way down takes or feels like minutes before i hit the floor, last year after messing about in the forest i parted company from 'Archie', knocked myself out..came around with his slobber in my eye, but at the time feels like blood, bless him he went off for grass then came back as if to say come on then home time. I eventually sat on him, didn't have any idea which way home was ? asked him to walk on & he walked us both home. We have a number of younger girls at the livery yard & they simply fall off dust themselves off & back on No Fear, but when we, no offence a little older you think (What If) ? This goes through your bottom into you horse...they pick up on this.. What's The Problem Monsters....i can't see them !

These are a great idea should you fall off !

http://www.icebands.org/

[Kathy C]

Ack! Fear has been an issue here as well. Nicole is finally getting her confidence after a messy spring three years ago with Gunner. After he was diagnosed with EPM, she moved on to Sammy the 4 year old halter bred QH who we tried ot make into a barrel horse. That was SUCH a long summer I often wonder how she ever found it within herself to keep riding.

You are lucky to have someone to come build up that confidence. Keep her number on hand!

[I Gallop On]

Yep, falls will make you question your confidence. I will never forget getting back on the horse a year after I'd broken my back and healed up. I was lucky to walk away from that accident, let alone ride again.

One of the things that has boosted my confidence is equestrian vaulting. We practice falling off of the horse. I know that if I'm ever in big trouble, and I have my wits about me, I can simply bail. Knowing to roll away from the horse helps too.

When my son was five, we were up in the mountains riding double on our Andalusian mare. She stumbled and fell to her knees. And I told Cole to "Jump! Jump off!" (And both of my kiddos know about dismounting uphill, etc. in the mountains) And he did exactly what he'd learned in vaulting.