smellshorsey

No Way to Say This Nicely

I've been thinking about this for a while. Years, actually. And though I tried to come up with a headline that would capture the essence of the thought, they all sounded like pr0n.

This would also be helpful with photos, but since Lily got new clippers, I've got nobody to photograph. Searching on "muzzle whiskers" takes you where you don't want to go, but I was able to get this Jack Bauerish muzzle shot from Horse Grooming Guide. (I feel like nobody minds if I swipe their photos so long as I give them credit and a link.)

Anyway. Here's the story behind the thinking. A while back, longer than I'd like to think, I boarded a horse with a German Bereiter who had married an American soldier and moved here. She was very sure of her opinions, and was adamant that I not shave my horse's whiskers off. "He needs them to sense things!" she said. (She was alloted several lifetimes supply of exclamation points which she used as weapons.)

I'd been looking all my life for a reason not to clip my horse (or do any other work), so this excuse suited me. At my first outing on my grandly whiskered horse an old friend said, "You forgot to shave his whiskers."

To which I replied, "No. Gretchen said he needs them to feel."

My friend looked at me funny and said, "You must be planning on getting awfully close to your jumps."

Well, I still had my excuse. But I started to wonder. Americans shave their horse's whiskers, etc. American women shave their armpits and legs. I'm seeing a connection. Is it there?

Here's this German woman who doesn't shave her horse's whiskers. I have no idea about her armpits and legs because she would have assaulted me with an exclamation point, or worse, shown me, but I know a French woman or 1,000 who don't.

Is this a cultural shaving thing? Or just an isolated crazy case? Do horse grooming rituals vary by continent?

I mean, if I see your horse all neatly shaved, what can I tell from that about your personal habits? Truthfully, I don't want to know. But I do wonder and I wish I wouldn't.

Actually, I had a friend who would never shave her legs before a horse show because she said that the hairs helped her grip. I think she was just looking for an excuse, too. Her horse was whisker-free.

Furniture for When You're Not Living in the Barn

Sometimes it's too dark to ride. Or rainy. Or cold. Sometimes, let's face it, you have to come into the house. But your house isn't clean. It doesn't smell like hay and shavings. Only the clothes hamper smells like horses. Home is not the barn.

Perhaps you should acknowledge your need for, you know, people furniture. Maybe that new flatscreen TV you got for Christmas would look better (and be more stable) if it weren't perched on your old tack trunk. Maybe your vet bills won't be too high this month and you can shop for home entertainment furniture.

If you do it online, you'll have more time to spend at the barn. Then, this summer, when the Olympics come on, you'll really be able to enjoy watching the horses. Until then, think how handy a new entertainment center will be for displaying trophies, ribbons and pictures of your horses.

Tagged, Tagged and Tagged Again

I've been tagged three times in as many days for the meme, "Seven Things You Don't Know About Me." Thanks, Jackie, Katie and Mrs. Mom. Well, since I've been spilling my guts on the World Wide Web (which is fascinated by my every move -- I can tell) on at least three blogs, it's hard to think of seven things you don't know about me. But I'll play before I get tagged a fourth time.

1. The whole reason I grew up with horses is because my father had a bad back. When I was an infant they took the family to Gatlinburg, Tennessee (where I haven't been since) for vacation. They went on a horseback ride while they were there, and my father's back felt better. So when he got home he went out and bought a horse for everyone. He knew absolutely nothing about horses, but they taught him. I'm surprised somebody wasn't killed!
2. I love to travel but I hate to fly. I try to imagine that the air is water and I'm in a boat. That works for a while. Xanax works better. I have a gazillion frequent flyer miles, too.
3. I hope I don't offend anyone, but I can't make sense of Paso Finos. They look like sewing machines on speed to me.
4. My sister-in-law (married to Saintly Brother) grew up on a dairy farm and was active in 4-H. She was taking her cow to a competition and the cow's tail was stained. So, my SIL poured some Clorox in a plastic bag, stuck the end of the cow's tail in it, and tied it on with a rubber band. The end of the bone and the bleached tail fell off. Yes, fell off. Don't do this to your horse. I think she still won a ribbon.
5. When I was little our family (sans Mama) went on a trail ride every Sunday afternoon. One day we rode to one of those drive-ins, where you park your car and order over a radio. I ordered a cherry smash. When the car hop (is that what they were called?) brought out our food, she got really mad to discover we were all on horses. She said disgustedly, "Now where am I supposed to hang this tray?"
6. My crazy uncle Otis was a doctor in N.C. He lived in an area where there were a lot of Lumbee Indians, and he would treat them in exchange for whatever they would give him. He'd accept moonshine, cakes and cornmeal. He had a pet ocelot that would growl at me. When the ocelot died, he had it stuffed. I felt much safer but far more grossed out.
7. When I'm an old lady I'm going to have 60 cats. I'm allergic to them, but hoping I won't remember that (we've only got three now.)

This meme is more challenging that it looks. Consider yourself tagged if you haven't been already. In the meantime, I'm making up my own meme and will be tagging some of you soon.

One Reason to Move to England

This is my favorite joke, which is probably not PC but what joke is?

Q.: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

A.: The other one wanted to drive for a while.

This post is not about riding, other than the fact that I ride English. I used to be a serious Anglophile. I never missed Masterpiece Theatre and I went to England every chance I got, which wasn't all that often, though some of my fondest memories are of these trips. I was even an English major. That was convenient because I already spoke the language, though with an accent.

My mother-in-law is from England. Since she seems to plan on staying here in the U.S., maybe I should make a strategic move to England. If I did, I would need to get, among other things, a new car. Or a new used car.

One good place to start looking would be http://www.netcars.co.uk/, an easy-to-use website that covers a lot of the things you need for car ownership, from car loans, to car insurance, to used cars you can buy. And, in case the immigration people didn't like my jokes and I was deported back to the icy embrace of my mother-in-law, I could even use NetCars to sell my car I bought from them.They've also got a database where you can search to find out if the car you are buying has a checkered past.

Do I Really Have to Complete an Agriculture Survey?

Somehow I have this livestock card I got from my state's agriculture department. It didn't seem too intrusive when I filled out the paperwork to get it, and I thought it might actually be helpful.

I'm the last to know things, so I thought it might be nice to get notified if some horse plague broke out nearby and I needed to do something.

At the time, there were lots of words including "confidential" and "optional." I like those words.

So now I have a big fact packet from the USDA where I have to answer all kinds of questions about how many artichokes I grow, under penalty of law.

That "penalty of law" phrase always gets a do-gooder like me. So I just filled that sucker out online. Under penalty of law.

I don't care how confidential those questions were, they were not their business. And no, I don't know how much money I spent pouring gasoline into Ben this past year. I make it a point not to count. I can't change it and it doesn't add to my happiness.

How much did I spend on vet bills? Don't ask. How old is my barn? Not your business. Did I buy hay and grain? Well, duh. How much? Who knows. I try not to think about it.

I nearly checked the question saying that I fertilized my pasture with animal manure, which is true, but it looked like a trick that would lead to further questions I can't answer, so I decided that Buddy and Lucy are the ones fertilizing the pasture with animal manure and they should be required to answer the question, not me, under penalty of law.

How did I go from "optional" to "under penalty of law?"

Talk about manure!

Chalk Horse

This is an overhead view of the Uffington White Horse, a 3,000-year-old chalk drawing in Britain that can only be viewed from above. I found this image on the web page The Ridgeway, and thought you might enjoy visiting it as much as I did.

Very mysterious and beautiful.

There are some other interesting links on that page, as well.

I was searching on "horse whiskers" when I found this. Go figure. (And you'll find out about why I was searching on horse whiskers later. I'm sure you can't wait.)

Everything You Need to Know about Boots for Your Horse

The Internet is a wonderful thing! Lily wants to get boots for Buddy because she's bought clothes for just about every other part of his body and she's running out of parts to dress. After the boots I guess she'll have to buy him sunglasses. I don't know. He's better dressed than I am.

So, when Beckz at I will jump sweet jumps mentioned ill-fitting boots on a student's horse, I asked her if she could do a post about boots. All about boots so that Lily and I could learn what we needed to know to do it right. Maybe we'd get boots that weren't merely decorative if we knew what we were doing.

So Beckz did and it's wonderful! Please go visit her at These boots are made for walking. Well worth your time!

Thanks, Beckz!

Who Gets Better Care, Your Horse or Your Dog?

I'd guess that most horse owners have a dog. And while I love my dog and he loves me more than any horse ever will (sad but true), he just doesn't get the same good service Buddy and Lucy get.

He doesn't even like his food. He was a stray, and he likes things you find on the side of the highway. I really hate feeding him because at feeding time I come outside with his food and he's all excited and licking his lips. I put the dog food down. He looks at it, gives me his saddest dog look, and leaves! Sometimes I mix cat food in with it, but that's not enough.

He's holding out for something better. If Buddy and Lucy turned their noses up at supper, I'd be calling the vet.

Poor Parker doesn't even get full use of his dog bed. Tiger the cat sprawls out in it with him, and Parker is shoved to the side. Parker is about four times the size of Tiger, but not in personality or persistence.

If he's lucky, I'll get him a bigger, better, fluffier, orthopedic dog bed from http://www.mammothoutlet.com.  They've got a huge selection of vet-recommended dog beds, especially of big beds. Parker's getting older, and I know a sweet dog like him deserves a comfortable place and enough room to get a good night (or day's) sleep. Even if he does sleep with a giant cat who's a bed hog.

We could all use more sleep. Maybe then he wouldn't bark at the horses and neighbors so much.

Sudden Itch Syndrome (SIS)

It’s most likely to flare up when you’re just starting your ride, or giving your horse a rest between exercises. You're working to get your horse relaxed and moving forward. 

Suddenly, he stops. He pulls the reins out of your hands and desperately rubs his face on his cannon bone. I hate to tell you, but these are the symptoms of SIS, or Sudden Itch Syndrome. 

So, knowing how bad an itch can be, you let your horse scratch. He stops. Now you proceed with what you were trying to do. Your horse may move forward for a few steps, and then, when you aren’t paying attention (or even if you are), that itch is back! Your horse suddenly stops and really, really scratches hard this time. 

Is it the leg that itches? The face? The noseband? The lazy bone? 

Most likely, it’s the lazy bone. You can tell because it’s just so darn itchy, no matter how much it’s scratched. And no sooner does it receive a good scratching than your horse needs to stop and scratch again. 

If your horse has SIS, you’ll have to figure out just how much scratching is allowed. I give my mare one good lazy-bone scratching at the beginning of our ride, and one at the end. 

You’ll have to make your own decisions about what’s best for you and your horse. But you have to do something, because Sudden Itch Syndrome only gets worse over time.

Do I Want to Go to a Rodeo?

I've never been to a rodeo and I wonder if I'd like it. I've foxhunted and attended many horse races (mostly steeplechase). That's rough enough. I've never been to a rodeo. Not even sure they have them around here.

I went to a draft horse pull fully expecting to be offended. I assumed that the horses would be treated like tractors, but instead, I saw horses that seemed really excited about getting to drag a one-ton sled across some dirt -- and the men who worked them seemed to have a great bond with them. A draft horse pull is now one of my favorite things, though they stopped having them around here.  So maybe a rodeo isn't like what I think.

The best way to find out would be to go to the Wrangler National Finals Rodeo. You can get WNFR Tickets here. It's supposed to be the Super Bowl of rodeo.

I'd love to see the barrel racing (ladies only), the bareback riding, the team roping and all the other horse-in-partnership-with-rider events. I imagine it's an awesome event with some of the best horses and riders around. The sticking point for me is the bronc riding. Buddy sometimes bucks just for fun. I like things that are just for fun. Is everybody having fun here? Like I said, I was wrong about the draft horse pull. Maybe I'd learn something if I went.

One of the coolest things about this rodeo for me is that they use their own dirt, which is stored during the year at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas. They store their own dirt. My. Now I've really got a good excuse for my housekeeping skills, or lack thereof. "What do you mean somebody needs to sweep the floor? Why, that's dirt we're storing for Lily's next riding lesson."