smellshorsey

Be Careful What You Name Your Horse

I'm so sorry and apologize in advance. I haven't seen this before and I'm afraid that I find low-brow humor funny. The horse's name is Hoof Hearted. You can probably guess the rest.

LOL Horse Zebra Donkey

From icanhascheezeburger, of course. Click to enlarge.

You Must See This Before You Die, Though It May Kill You

Here I am, writing about sad and serious things such as euthanizing horses, and Kimberly at igallopon and Angry at Angry Buttons are on the funniest roll on the Internet.

Start here with Kimberly's first post about the Big Bad Beaver God. Then go to Angry Buttons to find out more.

If you live through that, go back to varmint 1 and then (thanks, Kimberly) varmint 2.

I won't spoil it by explaining. Besides, nobody could.

Look at this Boy's Face

We check out Icanhascheezeburger every night. Finally, a LOLequine. Just had to share this one.

moar funny pictures

There's Possibly Something More Destructive than Horses

Buddy and Lucy spend a lot of time tearing up things (though not as much as Annie the pony did). When we were in NYC, I saw something that's possibly even more destructive than horses. Lily wants credit for taking this little video clip. I'd post it here if I knew how. Click on the camera -- it works!

You really have to see how big this thing is to appreciate his approach.
 

News Flash!

Here's something to distract you from the haunting tragedy in my last post. I'd love to subscribe to this magazine, wouldn't you? (And I don't even have a donkey.) There's always something good at Home Sanctuary.

Good Horse for Winter

Download Bullwinkle.pdf

Not sure I can download a pdf file to my blog. I received this e-mail and though that other horse lovers would enjoy.

It works on my computer. Let me know if it works on yours.

Horse Pr0n (This is a Joke!)

Internets, have you ever wandered over to some "horses for sale" site and not been able to stop looking at the horses? You just keep clicking and the pictures keep coming up and you keep drooling and you keep clicking and pretty soon you're embarrassed that your family might find out that there's no supper tonight because you've been looking at horse pr0n? Or maybe it's way past bedtime and you're still clicking and the pictures are still coming and you don't need a horse but look at that one, he looks like the finest thing you've ever seen....

And the next day you call the trainer and you talk with her and you think, "This is kind of nuts. That horse is still racing and you can't go try him out before you buy because the tickets to fly up there and back will be more than the horse...." But then the other part of you thinks, "But anybody that beautiful who looks so much like (INSERT NAME OF WHATEVER HORSE YOU MEASURE ALL OTHER HORSES BY) just has to be awesome." And so you get them to e-mail you some more photos and you mention to your husband that you are thinking of buying a horse that's still racing but awfully slow. And your husband rolls his eyes and puts more insurance on you and you keep scheming.... (This is when you are legitimately looking for another horse -- we have a husband-imposed horse quota here and we are at it.)

You find out what it would take to ship the horse to you. You call the shippers and you get the prices and you find out about the layover barn in Kentucky and this is getting really, really serious....

And the price on this gorgeous young man is really good and he's a good fellow, you're assured, everybody's favorite, just way too slow though no horse ever tried to run harder, and the trainer's kid rides him bareback around the barn even though the trainer's kid has no arms and doesn't know how to ride AND IF YOU DON'T BUY HIM HE'S GOING TO A SALE BARN AND LIFE WILL BE OVER FOR HIM and he looks just like the horse you measure all horses by so he must be awesome and your heart yearns and yearns and your wallet is running the other way and your vet tells you you are crazy.

And the trainer tells you that just last week a group of ladies from Colorado picked out a whole shipment of slow horses off of the website and hired a tractor trailer to pick them up. When they receive the shipment, that's when the ladies will decide which horse is whose.

(To be a fly on the wall! This could not end happily, could it?)

And then you find out there's a slow unraced horse an hour away from where you live that you can actually see, touch and ride.

You let the swashbuckling pirate dark handsome still racing horse go with all the grief of giving up a dream lover, and tell the trainer that somehow this feels a little bit risky.... And you never see or hear a thing about the horse that looked exactly like the horse by which you compare all other horses even though you search by the name all over the Internet and he is gone and it is your fault wherever he is he is gone for good and you missed him.... And you always wonder and somehow feel responsible.

And then, even though you have no reason to look at horses because you have two perfectly wonderful ones sitting out in the yard, eating, yes eating always eating, you still wander back and look at the horse p0rn (and hope that you don't attract perverts to your blog by the use of this word, but that's about what it is....)

Here's where I go when nobody's watching:

Canter Michigan (horses for sale by trainers)

Canter Ohio (Canter owned horses)

Canter Illinois (horses for sale by trainers)

Canter home page

This is a good organization, so feel free to donate while you're there. (I am in no way affiliated other than as a horse ogler and almost purchaser.)

Feed store wisdom

The man who recently bought one of the local feed stores is a tad on the hefty side. He worries me when I see him unload hay, grain or any other kind of exertion. He's a heart attack waiting to happen. I'm not good at guessing weight, but the number 300 comes to mind.

One day he looked at me and said, "I know that people think I need to lose weight."

I made one of those neutral noises that I hoped didn't sound like I thought he was fat, but that indicated I was listening all the same.

"What people don't understand," he said, "is underneath, I'm really one of those 800 pound men you see on TV. It takes all I can do to stay this small."

What to say to a horse person who's gained weight

Just heard this out in the pasture. True story.

A male trainer everybody knew showed up at the first show of the season and was much fatter than the year before.

Nobody said anything at first. Then one trainer remarked,"He overwintered well."